Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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