You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
