You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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