We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
