i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just want nice things and good sex
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
