chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
