When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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