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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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