It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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