4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
