All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm at about main and main street
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize