At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
