Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
