i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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