how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize