Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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