Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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