Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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