Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
