Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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