I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
