just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
