Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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