you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
