somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
