I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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