my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
