he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize