if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
