if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
