it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
