3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
i need to put some appletini on your dick
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Randomize
