I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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