I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
