worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Two words: blizzard sex
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
