3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just gift wrapped bread.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Your cock deserves a montage
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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