You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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