before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
