I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
