If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
