Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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