laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
