There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
