sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
