Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
