last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
The air taste purple.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
