Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
cat food counts as protein by the way
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
