and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Randomize
