I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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