I accidentally had phone sex last night
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
