Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
