Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
