Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
