Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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