My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
