I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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