He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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