I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
