I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
