found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
