I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
