did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
