accomplished twins. life is a go
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
