Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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