One girl and one boy is just not enough.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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