I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
