so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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