Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
