I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
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