So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
