Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
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