I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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