So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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