I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
