You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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