you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
