carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
BRING THE BAGELS
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